Jokes
by Shugo Kairi Lin Fatewin
Summary: This is just a little one-shot of Kairi, Kiyo, Yoru, Yomi, and Ash when Kairi and Yoru get bored in the castle one day and deside to do post it. I made this when I was bored. It's completely for fun only. Enjoy ! **Strong language!** Sorry!


**Here's a little one-shot of Yoru, Kairi, Yomi, Kiyo, and Ash when Kairi and Yoru get bored in the castle one day. I did this awhile back, and thought it was funny, it was made of pure randomness and boredom. Hope you enjoy~! AND I will give you a heads up: Erika is Yoru, Heather is Kairi, Dorothy is Yomi, and Rachel is Kiyo. I used our real names in this cuz I thought I'd never post it somewhere. Haha, enjoy!**

I sat on my bed, bored to death, nothing to do. Erika sat next to me, and groaned. "Can we please do something, this is the most boring thing in fucking world."

I thought for a second, and began laughing. "What the hell?" she asked.

"I know what we can do!" I said, evily. She raised her eyebrows at me.

Okay so maybe it wasn't the best idea, but I'll tell you, it was so worth it. I pushed Yoru into the airvent. I was about to drop her when she finally pulled herself up. She pulled me up. "Dude, scoot the fuck over!" I whispered, pushing.

"I'm trying, dammit!" she snaps.

"Ow, god dammit, Erika!" I pushed to the side. "Come on! They're gonna hear us!"

She nodded and we finally started moving. We crawled around the whole fucking building. "Where they fuck is that damn room!" Erika whispered in a hushed voice.

"I don't know! I thought you knew! What the hell, dude." I muttered, pulling her the other way.

We searched the next floor. Again. What the fuck, dude? How the hell are you suposed to find a room in this damn house thing?

I finally heard a faint noise that made my skin crawl. Moans. Damn them both.

"Oh they aint!" Erika growled. "That's just fucking wrong!"

"Ditto!" I snarled. We followed the noise until we found the room the noises were coming from. We peeked down into the room, and I swear to God, I was going to cut his dick off!

"Oh. Oh _heeeeellll~_ no! His manhood is so gone!" she hisses.

"I was thinking the same thing." I said, grinning evily.

Ash and Kiyo were laying on top of one another, tongues in eachother's mouth, and hands in places I will (definatly) cut off in the near future.

"He bes believe!" I growled.

"He bes be believin real quick!" she hissed.

"I'll be back, my beautiful Kiyo." he whispered.

"Can I come with you?" she asked, innocently.

"Hmm..." he says, playfully. Oh _**heeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllll~~~ **_no! This was sick!

"I supose you can." he said, seductivly. Oh, uhn uhn! He's gonna die!

"That little son of bitch!" she whispered. "Follow them!" she said.

We followed and ended up loosing the little bastards. Damn! We stopped to listen for them, only to hear Kiyo giggle.

"Oh, that's just wrong!" Erika hissed.

"Do you hear that! Giggling? What's that little bastard doing to her!" I growled.

Suddenly, Dorothy's face popped around a corner. "In the hallway! That's wrong!" she said.

Erika and I jumped, hitting our heads on the top of the airvent. "What the hell, Dorothy!" I snapped. "Do not come out of the abyss on me! That's my job!"

She slapped me. "You bes be watchin your mouth, idiot!" she said.

I glared at her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm stalking Ash, what does it look like I'm doing?" she said.

"Getting lost in an airvent." I said.

"...Shut up, Heather."

"Oh, you are too!" Erika said.

"Yea, I was bored."

"So were we!" we said in unison. The giggling was getting distant.

"Oh, hell naw!" i snapped, ignoring Dorothy's disaproving face. I took off crawling down the airvent, Erika right on my heels. We peeked down into the hallway to see the room they were going into. But they weren't.

They were making out! IN THE HALLWAY! WHAT THE FUCK!

"I'm gonna kill him!" Erika snarls.

"Aww, why?" Dorothy said, looking like she was about to have a cute attack.

"What the hell, Dorothy! Ash is totally taking advantage of her innocent mind! God, can't you see that?" I snapped.

They were going to go to Ash's room. I could tell from what was left of Kiyo's innocent thoughts. We crawled until we were at the air duct in his room.

"What are we doing here?" Dorothy asked, getting closer so she could see. We all peeked down into the room.

A loud bang made us gasp, and suddenly we all fell through the ceiling. Erika landed ontop of me. "Ow! What the fuck, Dorothy! You broke my god damned finger!"

"Do not use the lord's name in vain, Heather!" Dorothy growled. We heard the door knob turn. Holy shit, we were caught!

No. No, I was a Guardian! I could get us out of this! I grabbed Dorothy and Erika's arms and pulled them to a desk. We all three hid there, and Ash and Kiyo walked in.

She was giggling like there was no tomarrow, and blushing like fucking hell had frozen over.

I growled quietly to myself.

Ash's eye brows pushed together, and he just shrugged. He pulled her to the bed and began kissing her neck.

Oh, Fuck to da no! He suddenly kissed her feircly. She was surprised at first, but soon melted into the kiss. This was NOT going to happen!

"Go get my twizlers." I whispered to Dorothy.

"Okay, I- Wait, what? Twizlers? Why?" she asked, confused. I grinned evily.

Okay, so it really, really was a long way to the ceiling. Dorothy was squatting on Erika and my hands, as we counted to three.

'One...Two...Three!' I mouthed. Erika and I thrusted Dorothy up as hard as we could. Then I waited for her to come crashing back down on top of all of us.

There was a quiet thump, and I looked up to see her pulling herself up into the airvent.

Erika and I watched Ash ruin Kiyo's poor innocence. It was almost gone before, but now I know it had to be gone. I shook my head.

Kiyo's tongue was in Ash's mouth now. THAT! IS! TOO! FAR!

"He did not." Erika said, through clenched teeth.

"Oh, he did. You bes believe!" I hissed.

Where the fuck was Dorothy! A sharp pain hit my head and I almost yelped.

"What the fuck?" I hissed. I looked down to see my pack of Twizlers laying beside me. I looked up to see Dorothy hanging by her nails from the airvent.

"No, no no no!" I whispered, but it was too late. Dorothy hit me with a loud thump. I groaned in pain, and Pushed her off me.

"What the hell, Dorothy!" I whispered.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to fall on top of you!" she whispered, frantically.

"Obviously." Erika said. I chuckled quietly. I picked up the Twizlers and smiled evily.

"Ash's weakness: Twizlers. At the mere sight of them, he gets sick." I laughed maniacly.

Erika and Dorothy joined in, with me. Then I coughed.

"Um...Anyway..." I said. We peeked over the desk again, and I'm telling you, I fucking pissed myself. (Not literally...*cough cough*)

Ash's hands WERE UP KIYO'S FUCKING SHIRT! I AM GOING TO MURDER HIM!

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I screamed, standing up. Ash and Kiyo both jumped apart at the sound of my voice.

"Kairi?" Kiyo squeaked, blushing a violent scarlet color. I ground my teeth together.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?" Ash asked, glaring at me.

"Saving her fucking innocence!" I snapped.

"We just had sex." Ash replies.

"...WHAT! THE! FUCK! I! AM! GOING! TO! KILL! YOU! ASH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Kiyo was blushing so bad that I was surprised she hadn't fainted. "No, Kairi, I swear we didn't!" she gasped. I could tell she was telling the truth.

"Erika! Now!" Dorothy yelled.

Suddenly, Twizlers were being thrown at great speed towards Ash and Kiyo. Yes, that'll teach the little mother fucker to mess with my Kiyo!

I turned to Yoru to see Shiroyasha, Kuroyaku, and Fira all three helping her throw the Twizlers. (They were in their animal forms) Ha!

Ash freaked out he jumped up and ran from the room! Yes! Now is the perfect time! I ran over to Kiyo and picked her up. She looked in between the six of us (Shiryasha, Fira, and Kuroyaku count as people too!) blushing like there was no tomarrow.

"Wait, Kairi! Stop, really!" she whispered, embarrassed.

"I will not let that little bastard steal your innocent mind from us!" I said, taking off.

"Go, Heather, Go!" Dorothy yelled. We took off running down the hallway back to me and Erika's room.

We skidded to a hault in front of our door, slamming it open and running inside. Erika slammed the door and locked it.

"Yes! Success!" I shouted, putting Kiyo on the bed.

"Kairi!" Kiyo hissed embarrased.

"We saved you! Yes!" I laughed. She frowned.

"We were...celebrating..." she said, uncomfortable.

"Uh, why the fuck would you be celebrating?" I asked.

"Heather! Language!" Dorothy snapped.

I ignored her and listened to Kiyo instead. "Well, uh...You see Ash..." she struggled with words for a few moments then turned burgundy.

"What the fuck, Kiyo, just tell me." I said.

"Ash and I just got engaged!" she blurted out, then her hand shot to her mouth. She blushed ten more shades of red.

Everything in the room was quiet, no one even breathed.

Then...I snapped.

**"WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT LITTLE BASTARD THINK HE IS, PROPOSING TO YOU AT FOURTEEN!" **I screamed at the top of my lungs. Erika and Dorothy both gaped. **"THE LITTLE MOTHER FUCKER IS GOING TO DIE! I WILL PERSONALLY STRANGLE AND TORTURE HIM! FIRST I'LL CUT HIS FUCKING DICK OFF, AND BOIL IT IN MOTOR OIL! THEN I'LL HAMMER BAMBOO SPLINTERS UNDER HIS FINGER AND TOE NAILS! AFTER THAT, I'LL LET A FUCKING BAMBOO TREE GROW THROUGH THE BASTARD! AND WHEN THAT IS DONE, I WILL POUR HAND SANATIZER ON THE WOUND! THEN I'LL LET HIM STRUGGLE TO GET THE TREE OUT OF HIM, AND BY THEN, HOPEFULLY HE'S BLED ENOUGH FOR ME TO FIGHT HIM, CUZ I'M GONNA KNOCK THE FUCK OUTTA HIM WITH MY KUROYASHA!"** I was seeing black spots by the time I had finished the screaming fit because I hadn't taken a single breath since I'd began.

No one talked. No one breathed. No one blinked. The only noise in the room was my ragged breathing and growling sounds. It stayed this way for about ten minutes.

Finally Kiyo bursted into laughter. What. The. Hell.

"I'm joking!" she laughed. I stared at her.

"What?" I asked.

"The whole thing was a joke. Ash knew you and Erika were bored and would think of some stupid ass plan to try and find me, so he decided to act like we were celebrating because he proposed to me!" she roared with laughter. Her whole body shook.

I didn't say anything. I just stared at her. Dorothy and Erika began laughing too.

"That's so halarious!" Erika laughed. I didn't even turn, I just stared at Kiyo.

After a few minutes of them laughing I finally said, "What the fuck." Then I turned to the door and walked out, leaving them to laugh to themselves.

I was going to find Cheshire and have some cake, or slay some random unlucky werewolf that crossed my path. Maybe I'd go toture Tsu or something, whatever I was going to do, I was doing it now before I did something to Ash I regretted.

What a fucked up joke, dude.


End file.
